Given Time Read online

  It was the first time I’d been reminded of that since I was about ten years old. As a kid, I’d always assumed it was because she thought we would make too much mess, but now I knew the truth of what she was hiding I was in no mood to be placatory.

  ‘Yeah, I can see why.’

  I was going to say more, but checked myself. I could hardly start a fight with her and then give her a fortune, so I made a lame excuse. ‘I thought I heard Dad upstairs.’

  She remained unconvinced. ‘I told you he was in the conservatory. Why are you snooping about?’

  ‘I wasn’t,’ I lied. ‘I just heard a noise and thought it was—’

  ‘No, you didn’t. You’re prying into things that don’t concern you.’ Her voice was getting louder and higher pitched, and I was sure by now that my father must be able to hear her, but if he did, he didn’t come to investigate even when she shrieked at me. ‘I don’t want you here. You can go and see your father, but then I want you out of my house.’

  I wanted to protest that it was my father’s house, but I bit my lip. ‘I need to talk to you both,’ I said, but I was already asking myself if it was really the right decision.

  She snapped a reply. ‘I’m sure we’ve got nothing to say to each other.’

  ‘How I wish that were true,’ I snapped back, unable to keep cool any longer, ‘but if you listen, you might hear something to your advantage.’

  ‘I can’t imagine that’s likely,’ she muttered, but she led the way nonetheless.

  The downstairs of the house was immaculately furnished, with reproduction period armchairs and sofas, a highly polished Georgian-style dining table and chairs, complemented by matching display cabinets and shelving units. Whimsical china ornaments sat upon lace doilies on nearly every surface, and once again I noted that there was nothing that could be considered masculine in any of the adornments.

  My dad had his back to us as we entered the conservatory. He was sitting in a cane armchair, engrossed in his newspaper. He didn’t look up until Beth snatched the paper out of his hands and put it on the table.

  ‘Your son is here,’ she told him, almost spitting the words out.

  ‘Hello, Keegan, I thought I heard your voice,’ my father said, his own voice feeble, as he turned to face me.

  I got as far as ‘Hi, Dad’ before I recoiled. He was looking more haggard and unwell than I had ever seen him. His face had aged well beyond his sixty-three years.

  ‘Are you ill?’ I asked.

  Beth didn’t give him a chance to respond. ‘Your father is fine. Not that you care. You hardly ever come to see him.’

  Moments before, she had wanted me gone and now she was complaining that I didn’t come enough. I couldn’t be bothered to work out how both concepts could sit in her head at the same time, so I ignored her and asked him again. He looked up at his wife as if for confirmation, and then turned weary eyes back to mine. ‘I’m okay, son.’

  ‘Keegan has got something to tell us,’ she said, ‘but I can’t think why we would be interested.’

  I growled at her. ‘Why don’t you sit down? And then you might find out.’

  She flounced down into a chair and rounded on my father. ‘Are you going to let him talk to me like that, John?’ But before he could answer she said to me, ‘You need to learn some respect, young man.’

  I glanced at Dad, and I got the impression he wanted to laugh at that almost as much as I did, but he shook his head. ‘What is it, Keegan?’

  ‘I’ve just won nine million pounds on the lottery.’

  Beth didn’t even draw breath. ‘Oh, that’s wonderful news, darling. You clever boy.’

  I looked at her in shock. Her eyes were brightly alive and her mouth was smiling, as far as her over-padded lips would allow. I couldn’t comprehend how she could go from vicious to ingratiating in an instant and consider it normal behaviour.

  ‘You will see your dad right, won’t you, sweetheart.’

  My father started to protest. ‘He doesn’t need to do that—’

  ‘Yes, he will. Won’t you?’ she said in a tone that implied she wouldn’t accept any argument.

  ‘Yes, of course I will, Mum,’ I replied, but the irony was lost on her.

  I told them I’d discussed it with Drew, and we both wanted them to have a third of the money. Dad looked sceptical about my brother agreeing to that and began to say that it was too much, but Beth cut him short again; there was no chance she would accept less than the maximum she could get, and even less chance of my being surprised.

  She came directly to the point. ‘How soon will we get the money?’

  I felt disinclined to suggest a private bank account, and in any case I would have been embarrassed to have Matt meet the witch, so I said, ‘If you can give me your bank details, I can transfer the money now. You can have it today.’

  Beth leapt out of her seat and ran to fetch her debit card, as if I might change my mind if she left it a second too long. When she’d left the room, Dad asked me if I was sure, and added, ‘You really don’t have to do this. It’s far too much, but I’ll thank you anyway.’

  ‘By the way,’ I said, ‘Drew just got engaged.’

  ‘That’s nice. What’s she like?’

  I smiled at the mental picture of my brother’s radiant fiancée. ‘She’s wonderful. Her name’s Amy.’

  His face briefly lost some of its melancholy. ‘Well I hope they’ll be very happy. Please send him my congratulations.’

  Beth came back in and shoved her debit card into my hand without a word. I took out my phone and made the transfer.

  ‘That’s done,’ I told her.

  ‘Brilliant,’ she said, and I knew I’d wait a long time before she thought to say thank you. ‘Did I hear you say Andrew is getting married?’

  ‘They haven’t set a date yet, but yes. She’s a beautiful—’

  ‘How lovely,’ she interrupted. I’ll need a new dress, and a hat…’

  ‘And a handbag, and new shoes,’ I added with affected enthusiasm.

  Dad narrowed his eyes at me conspiratorially. He focused on Beth and said, ‘Now that’s all settled, why don’t you go and make a cup of tea while I show Keegan the garden.’

  She glared at him, and it amused me to imagine it was because she didn’t know the way to the kitchen. She stomped off, calling back over her shoulder, ‘Be sure to show him the yew tree.’

  From the corner of my eye I thought I saw Dad flinch at her parting words but it was such a brief impression that I couldn’t be sure.

  Once outside, he asked, ‘So, how much did you really win?’ before assuring me that he didn’t want more.

  I laughed. ‘That transparent, eh?’

  His face brightened slightly, and for the first time since I’d arrived, I saw him smile. ‘To some maybe, but don’t worry, the silicon shrew couldn’t see through that if you pushed her parody of a face right up to the pane.’

  ‘A bit more than I told you,’ I said, in answer to his question.

  ‘Quite a bit more, I hope.’

  I nodded, and he smiled his understanding, but the light faded from his eyes and his face regained its woeful countenance.

  ‘Why do you stay with her, if you’re so unhappy?’ I hadn’t meant to say anything, but it slipped out and I braced myself for a reprimand.

  ‘We don’t need to go there, son.’

  Having voiced the question, I wasn’t prepared to let it go that easily. ‘If it’s the money, you can let her have it all, and I’ll set you up again when you’re free of her.’

  ‘I’m too old to be on my own, Keegan.’

  ‘You wouldn’t need to be. There are plenty of single women your age, and these days it’s really easy to meet them.’

  He grimaced. ‘Do you really think I want to be with someone my age? At any rate, it’s not that.’

  ‘What is it then?’

  He was quiet for a while, and we walked to the far end of the garden. ‘I miss your mother,’ he said, taking me b
y surprise.

  Instinctively I rankled, and thought about saying if that were the case, he shouldn’t have left her, but it was a cheap shot so I nodded instead. ‘Me too.’

  Our eyes met, and we shared a moment of understanding of our mutual loss. We stood silently for a while longer, and I made a quick inspection of the garden. ‘Where is this yew tree I’m meant to see?’

  This time his wince was unmistakable. He shook his head, and it was obvious he was having to think hard about what to say. ‘There isn’t one. It’s just that they’re traditionally associated with churchyards. It’s her way of saying she wishes I were dead.’

  I looked him straight in the eye and could see the lie; there was no chance Beth had the imagination to be that subtle. He saw my doubt, and dropped his gaze. ‘There are things you don’t need to know, son. Things you should never know.’

  I skulked around my flat for the next three days, while the early October weather matched my mood. It had rained on and off since Monday morning, and by Wednesday it had settled into a steady drizzle. The sky was a uniform blanket of grey, spreading its gloom along the saturated streets and through the open-curtained windows, making it dark enough to need lights by two in the afternoon. I paced from room to room, unable to concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes. I’d tried watching daytime TV, but I’d switched it off after a short while. I’d picked up the novel that had travelled with me to Hawaii and back, but I’d lost concentration after only a couple of pages. I’d replied to a number of email enquiries to say I was no longer in business, and I’d begun to ask myself if it had been a wise decision; if I’d been working, then I wouldn’t be at a loss for something to do, but I knew now that I couldn’t sit and write code for hours if I didn’t need it to earn a living.

  My original intention after my weekend away had been to come home and plan a travel itinerary for the next few months, but I’d left Dad’s house feeling overwhelmingly depressed. It had coloured my disposition since then, leaving me unenthusiastic about what should have been an exciting task. My feelings hadn’t been helped by my father’s last words to me before I left his house: ‘Son, please don’t think I’m ungrateful. I can’t begin to thank you enough for what you’ve done. There’s no easy way to say this… but I think it would be best if you don’t come here again.’

  It had come as a body blow, and I was so astounded that I hadn’t thought to check if he meant not to see him at all or just not to visit the house. I wanted to believe he’d meant the latter, but as he hadn’t clarified I was beginning to accept that the former was what he had intended, and now I was going through a form of bereavement. Even though I hadn’t seen him often, I mourned the loss of that small contact, and my hatred of his battleaxe increased immeasurably.

  After three days of deliberation, I was still at a loss to understand what her cryptic comment about the yew tree had really meant, and what hold over him she had to keep him in such miserable conditions. Several times I’d contemplated using the time device to go back to before I’d visited, but that would only have resulted in me not giving them the money, which I didn’t care about. It wouldn’t have done anything to change what I now knew, so there was little point in undoing everything.

  Drew Skyped me at just after three and lifted my spirits in an instant. His grinning face nearly filled the screen on my mobile and was framed by a cloudless blue Caribbean sky.

  ‘Morning, bro,’ he said. ‘How are you doing?’

  ‘Yeah, I’m great, thanks,’ I replied, and for the first time in three days I felt like I meant it. ‘How’s Saint Lucia?’

  ‘Absolutely brilliant! The weather’s great. We had a small shower yesterday afternoon, but other than that, it’s hot, hot, hot. This hotel is amazing, and our suite is like a palace. You should see the stuff we’ve got in there.’

  I chuckled at his exuberance. ‘Sounds good. How’s Amy?’

  ‘She’s gorgeous.’ He laughed. ‘Hang on…’

  I saw his finger come up to the screen, and the picture changed as he switched to the rear-facing camera on his phone. Now, I could see Amy. She was lying face down on a double poolside lounger, her arms above her with her hands just touching, creating a frame for her head. Her face was towards the camera, and I could see her eyes were closed, although I assumed she wasn’t asleep. Her bikini top was on the ground next to a paperback, with her sunglasses resting on top of it, and a tall glass that contained a colourful cocktail.

  Drew moved his phone closer so all I could see was Amy’s feet, and I asked what he was doing. He slowly panned the camera, in glorious close-up, all the way up her legs and body. He’d got halfway along her back, when she realised what was going on. I heard her say ‘Drew, will you behave yourself’ in a playful rebuke, and then her hand obscured the lens. The tiny corner that was still visible jerked about in all directions for a few seconds as I guessed she was wrestling the phone away from Drew.

  Seconds later the picture changed again, and now it was Amy who was looking at me. She had propped herself up on her elbows, with one arm folded in front of her chest and one hand holding the phone.

  ‘Hi, Kee!’ Her face was radiant, and her smile stretched wide enough to fill the screen.

  ‘Hello, gorgeous. Are you having a good time?’ I asked.

  ‘The best. We’re never leaving here! We’re going to stay until we’re old and wrinkled or the money runs out. Thank you so much again, you lovely man.’

  ‘Amy, you don’t have to keep thanking me,’ I told her. ‘I’m really happy I could do it for you guys. Anyway, if you stay where you are, there’s no chance of the money running out before they bring you home in a box, but you’ll be bored long before then.’

  ‘Never!’ She laughed.

  Drew had dropped down onto the lounger beside her and draped his arm across her shoulders. He took the phone from Amy and turned it sideways to show both of their faces better.

  ‘How was it with Dad and Death?’ he asked.

  ‘It was okay,’ I said cautiously. I didn’t want to spoil their holiday by telling them all the depressing details, but I thought they might be amused by Beth’s instant transformation when she’d heard about the money. Drew was completely unsurprised, but Amy started looking worried before I’d finished recounting the story.

  ‘Oh, God! I’m sorry, Kee. I got it all wrong, didn’t I? I should have minded my own business.’

  ‘Absolutely not,’ I assured her. ‘Everything you said was right. Anyway, they’ve got their share so they can make their own choices. Maybe the money will make her a better person.’

  Drew snorted derision. ‘Not until hell freezes over.’

  ‘Anyway, it’s done, so forget about them and concentrate on enjoying yourselves,’ I told them.

  ‘So when are you going down under?’ Drew asked.

  ‘Any day now, I haven’t quite sorted it out yet.’

  ‘What’s stopping you?’ he asked.

  ‘You know, I have no idea,’ I said, taking myself by surprise.

  ‘Well, have a great time, bro. And stay in touch, okay?’

  ‘And go to New Zealand,’ Amy insisted. ‘You’ll love it.’

  ‘Okay, I will. I promise,’ I told her.

  We said our goodbyes and Amy blew me a kiss, but before I could disconnect the call, Drew said, ‘Hang on, Kee. Babe, are you going to give Kee a flash of your tits before he goes?’

  ‘Drew, really!’ she said, shaking her head, her tone half shock and half exasperation.

  ‘Unlucky, bro. Every guy within a mile of this place has seen them, but you’ve dipped right out.’ He tilted his phone downwards so my screen was filled with Amy’s cleavage. I heard her slap him, and her hand blocked the picture again. She took the phone from him and I was looking at her face, her smile wider than ever.

  ‘Kee, can’t you control your little brother?’ she asked.

  ‘Yeah, pack it in, Drew,’ I said. ‘Or at least, wait until I can get to a bigger screen!’


  I disconnected and, still laughing, I put the phone down. Several minutes passed while I tried without success not to have immoral thoughts about my future sister-in-law.

  I looked out of the window at the dank, dismal street and thought about my brother and his fiancée lying by the pool with no small amount of envy. Their call had completely dispelled my low spirits, and Drew’s question came back to mind; the only thing stopping me from leaving was that I hadn’t yet planned either where in the southern hemisphere I wanted to go or where I intended to visit en route. I sat at my computer and pulled up several pages of travel sites to look at destinations in the far east, and attempt to rate my preferences based on reviews and ‘what to do’ articles. But after half an hour, I was getting bored with the process. I shut down all the browser tabs and looked up air taxis instead. Within five minutes, and following Amy’s instructions, I had booked a flight to New Zealand for the following morning. I imagined her being very pleased with my decision, and I pictured her for the hundredth time lying almost naked in the sun. For the first time in my life I felt quite jealous of my brother.

  Twelve

  A few days later, I woke up to a beautiful spring morning in Auckland. Having flown for twenty-five hours, with only a couple of refuelling stops to properly stretch my legs, I’d arrived in the Antipodes feeling completely exhausted. But after a good night’s sleep, the invigorating air and the view of the sparkling Hauraki Gulf chased the rest of my jetlag away. I wandered onto my balcony, taking in the stunning view across the blue-green water to the north shore and the islands beyond. The sky was unbroken blue, save for a few dots of cumulus that gathered over the coastline on the far horizon, where the ‘Land of the Long White Cloud’ lived up to its name.

  I had thought I would probably stay in New Zealand for no more than about six weeks, but after that time I hadn’t yet left Auckland and its surrounds. I’d done the usual tourist things: bus tours, boat trips and helicopter excursions across the city, but with their innate sense of adventure, the Kiwis had many more thrilling attractions to offer too. I’d climbed the harbour bridge, and I’d whiled away several hours at the Auckland Sky Tower, watching the daredevils on the Sky Walk and the Sky Jump before finally plucking up the courage to have a go myself. I’d never been great with heights, so walking around a metre-wide ledge with no handrails, nearly two hundred metres up in the air, and then base jumping on a vertical zip wire from the same level had been one of the most terrifying and exhilarating things I had ever done.